This will be my last post at this blog.  My new blog is at  http://sistersurviving.blogspot.com/

I hope to see you there!!

I started a new blog last night for mothers.  This will be a place to honestly and openly share without being judged.  The only people that will be able to comment are members of the blog.  If you are looking for advice or help please ask.  Sometimes I think we just need a place to vent so help and advice should be only offered when it is asked for.  I want this to be a place where we can share with each other, so please respect what others are feeling and going through.  The address is http://survivingmotherhood.blogspot.com/    If you would be interested in joining please click on the Contact Me link below the calendar. 

After watching the news last night, I spoke with my husband about him staying home with the baby.  The news talked about subzero temps reaching levels that were dangerous.  So we decided that it was best for Zaid to stay at home rather then drag him to the hospital.  My husband doesn't do well with Zaid, I think he just gets nervous and gives up too easily when he stares fussing.  I really couldn't give both of them the attention they need.  So I took Ahmad to the hospital by myself this morning.  He did well until it was time to check his oxygen level.  He didn't want to change his clothes either.  I had to just start taking his clothes off for him while reassuring him that it was okay and I was right there for him.   When I had taken him to the ENT, I was told he would only have to stay over night if he had problems with bleeding or had a reaction to the anesthetic.  I was told that it was rare and he probably wouldn't have any problems. However, today the nurse told me that there was concern about breathing problems due to his sleep apnea and that he would probably end up staying over night for observation. The doctor also told me depending on how things looked in his ears they might put tubes in his ears. I wasn't prepared for any or this new information. They had given him some liquid medication to help him relax before going to the O.R.  It was funny to see the way he started acting.  I couldn't help laughing at the look on his face.  He was being pretty silly.  The nurses then came and carried him away.  At that point the anxiety started. I called my husband to let him know that he just went in to the O.R.  I told him the info I had been given.  I told him I would call him when I heard anything else.  He asked me for a phone number because he wanted to go on the Internet.  I asked him not to so that I could call at anytime.  He said he would just go on for 30 minutes. We also had a discussion about what we would do if Ahmad had to stay overnight.  I had asked my husband to take the day off.  He said he didn't want to that he would just let them know he would be late. I told him if Ahmad had to stay that he would have to bring Zaid to the hospital.  He would stay with me while he was at work.  When he was done with work he would have to come pick up Zaid and take him home. He wanted me to come home if Ahmad had to stay at the hospital while he was at work and then go back after he got home from work.  I told him there was no way I was leaving him alone in the hospital.  After the call I kept walking around in the waiting room.  I had a hard time sitting down.  I even cried a few times.  About an hour later the surgeon cam out and told me everything went well.  He said his tonsils and adenoids were really large.  He also said he had quite a bit on thick fluid and decided to put tubes in his ears as a precaution.  I then tried to call my husband.  45 minutes later I finally got through.  The phone had been busy.  I was pretty angry by the time I got through.  All this just added to my anxiety while I waited for Ahmad to come out of the recovery room.  While I was on the phone to my husband they came to take me to the observation room so that I could see Ahmad.  He was still kind of out of it.  The nurse then told me that they would keep him under observation for 3 more hours to watch for possible breathing problems.  She than brought him a Popsicle.  While he was eating the Popsicle I went and called my husband to finish my conversation with him and to let him know what the nurse had just told me.  I then spent the next 3 hours with Ahmad.  He did really well, he didn’t cry and wasn’t fussy at all.  He had several Popsicles, which he was happy about, and some sherbet.   He slept part of the time he was in observation.  Toward the end we were playing games with the beanie baby one of the nurses had given him and singing songs.  He had asked several times, from the time him came out of recovery, to go home.  It was almost 3pm before we got out of the hospital, just in time for rush hour. It took me twice as long as it should have to get home.  I dropped Ahmad off and then had to go to the store to get the Popsicles I had forgotten the night before and fill his prescriptions.  I spend nearly an hour at the store due to some problems with one of the prescriptions.

 

I was pretty sore by the time I had finished everything.  I hadn’t planned on spending so much time at the hospital, so I hadn’t taken my pump with me.

 

I kept thinking I was overly anxious.  Everyone else in the waiting room seemed calm then me.  After getting home, getting Ahmad all set up, and feeding Zaid I started thinking about things.  I realized why this was bothering me so much.  4 years ago when Ahmad was a preemie in the hospital I received a phone call Dec. 24^th telling me I would be able to take him home. At that point he had been in the hospital for a little over 5 weeks.  What a wonderful Christmas gift this was!! (This was before I was Muslim and I still celebrated Christmas).  At that point he had been in the hospital for a little over 5 weeks.  I went to the hospital and started getting everything ready to take my baby home.  During the day he had a few minor breathing episodes and had been less active then usual.  The doctor on call decided not to let him go home.  Ahmad ended up staying in the hospital another 3 days.  Turned out nothing was wrong with him, the machine that had been monitoring his breathing was not working properly.  It is surprising that something that happened 4 years ago still affects me and causes so much anxiety.   It also explains why I was able to make it 5 weeks before I became really anxious about Ahmad’s hospital stay and only lasted 3 weeks during Zaid’s hospital stay.

I have watched several episodes of Nanny 911.  Watching this show helps me feel a little better about things in my home.  It helps me to see that other parents go through similar difficulties with their children. 

Ahmad has surgery tomorrow.  I will have to make a trip to the video store and grocery store tonight after my husband gets home from work.  I'm not looking forward to going out at 11pm in subzero weather.  With our work schedules though I couldn't do it any other time.  It has been really cold here and I just don't want to take the baby out unless it is absolutely necessary.  I will have to take the baby with me to the hospital tomorrow.  My husband refuses to let anyone else but the two of us watch him until he is at least one. 

I'm a little nervous about tomorrow afternoon and evening.  My husband is going to work tomorrow afternoon/night.  I'm usually alone with the boys in the afternoon/evening. However a 4 yr old recovering from surgery and an infant are a different story.

About a week and a half ago someone broke into the laundry room in my apartment building (with a key).  All the storage closets are in the laundry.  The man pulled the pad lock hardware off the door frames of all the storage closets.  This evening I went down to do some laundry to discover that the owner still had not had the locks fixed. 

I have received the following a fews times in the past.  I just received it again in my Inbox today.  There are things I relate to even more then I did in past.  I thought I would go ahead and share it here.

Today was our appt. at the travel clinic.  My left arm is really sore.  I really hope this goes away really soon.  Taking care of the kids seems to irritate it more.  I'm not looking forward to driving to work tomorrow.  A had his shot in his right leg.  Poor guy is also sore.  A couple of times he was hopping around on one leg.  He will probably be getting a couple more shots at his pre-op appt. tomorrow.  Poor little guy.  I'm not looking forward to it at all.

I was watching 60 minutes this evening.  I was really upset by one of the stories.  This story was about how marketers are using tween girls to market different producers.  One of the women appeared to me to pass it off as a benefit to these girls.  Here is the link:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/12/14/60II/main660978.shtml

I stopped by a couple of stores this morning.  I found some wireless alarms to put on the front door and A's bedroom door.  They have 3 settings- chime, alarm, and off.  The chime or alarm will go off when the door is open.  I also bought some super glue and used it to put the child safety knobs on both doors.  So even if he is able to get the knobs off we will know when he opens the door.  Hopefully this will help things.  The only other option is sleeping in front of the door.